How many can you afford?
Three - one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then on the other.
Just say "Fees!"
"Well, your Honor," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
6. Take a lawyer to lunch!